Posted by: colloquiallyspeaking | June 23, 2010

Needing New

I have the itch.

The itch comes when I need something new.  In the past, the itch has caused impulsiveness and risky endeavors.  More recently, the itch has been followed by a period of contemplation and ultimately ended in a change of some sort.

I’ve been fighting it for a while, but a recent conversation with a mentor helped me embrace it.

I am not a complacent person.  I am not satisfied with routine, nor do I take pleasure in predictability.  Some see this as a negative trait, as did I until said conversation.

My mentor clarified a few things for me.  The first was the fact that not everyone is born to be  placed.  The second was that for someone like me, the here and now is the goal.  Lastly, I was reassured that a happy mother creates a happy child.

All these affirmations culminated in one clear truth for me.

I will always experience the itch.  I will always have to do something about it.  In the here and now, my goals are to be creating a happy environment for myself and my family.  I can, in the here and now, make decisions based on what I need for the moment.  I can move somewhere that is obviously temporary because there is something I need to get out of that place now, and it will not cause harm to my family.  When I do settle down physically, I will continue to feel the itch, yet be able to experience newness in ways other than changing my location.  It is perfectly okay for me to feel a breath of fresh air by rearranging the furniture every month or by starting a project just for the joy of something new.  In terms of relationships, there will be times when I need to distance myself from some people and move close to others.  My hashkafos can, and will, change with time.  As long as I am listening to myself, and utilizing the itch for positive changes, I will be happy, and thereby raise a happy family.

It is such a relief for me to know all this.  To some it may seem silly that I see this as a revelations.  However, growing up with parents who felt the itch and only did something about it when they were good and miserable definitely clouds my judgement.  I always assumed change meant that something was horribly wrong with whatever we were in at the moment.  So to see that change can be had when things are good, and can create something better, is indeed an eureka moment.

What I learned from this experience, though, is entirely different.

I should have listened to my husband and called this mentor of mine six months ago, instead of waiting for her to call now.

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Responses

  1. So, what’d you do because of the itch?
    (or is that too intrusive?)

    • the truth is, i got provided with enough worries since yesterday to satisfy the urge… i now want time to stand still just long enough to get me through this. i love the roller coaster life.


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